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I was empty and starving for love
All I did is wish and look above
Waiting for the day that you would come
Waiting until I felt numb
And there you were standing in front of me
All grown up and free
Our eyes met in the middle of the crowd
I was stunned and felt proud
Showing my fondness and tenderness
We were aimless
I can still feel your warmth around me
I wanted us meant to be
We didn’t last long
But the kiss was so strong
I died when you left my heart broken
I made a cell and cried flowing to a basin
Your hurtful words didn’t matter
I love you until life after you
Pain sorrows my heart
Knowing that we’re apart
We both assumed the blame
Hoping everything will stay the same
My star fell from the sky
While it landed in your eyes
All of my time has gone away
The sky of my heart turned grey
The girl that I’m supposed to be
Doesn’t the depict me
Waiting for millions of hours
While all of your feelings devour
I’m trapped in your soul
Wanted to take me whole
I still love you no matter what
I weep and fell on a rut
If time sends me to heaven
I want you happy with everyone
Summer days of 2007 or 2008. I was not quite sure what year was it but I was young. Maybe at age 13 or 14? I was in High School and my life was totally suck especially when the whole tribe is making fun of you. No friends. All alone. I was a weirdo and a total freaking loser outside my house.
Inside my house, I am somewhat different. Friendster was still a trend that time on the internet and I was a total “troll” or “scary” according to some people who have encountered me. I have a very nasty attitude in my Friendster days. I joined different kind of groups and for the first time I was cyber-bullied. But that didn’t stopped me. I was influenced that gave me an idea.
I created a group called “ADIKZ”. I know it was a total jejemon but I was young and wanted to create a group of friends. I started to send invites until the group bloomed. Some people were close to my house and I met few of them and some of them met in actual “eye ball” which I was absent, but anyway that’s not the point of it.
I was so young and at a very you age I was cyber-bullied by other groups whose mission is to spam in every group. All I did was protect the groups I was into and to makeup with the other people whom I disrespected. Because of that, that certain “troll group” targeted me and hacked my Friendster and edited my picture by putting genitals or a hideous monster on my face. But I gotta admit it, putting a monster face on my face was cool. But anyway, of course it hurts me as well when a lot of people especially that were older were targeting me in my Friendster days. A lot of people knew me there as “Nanahara” or the troll group calls me “Tangahara”. And Adikz group became one of the legendary groups before in Friendster and knowing that my name was being stained by my stupidity and the trolls as well.
Members of Adikz was actually calling me “Boss”. Well because I am the moderator and the leader as well but I suck being a leader. I was a kid. I do not know what I was thinking. I was friends with them but now some of them disappeared in my circle probably because we outgrew each other. But some remain on my side but the ADIKZ group I made in friendster was gone even when we transferred in Facebook.
I don’t have much details of what ADIKZ was but I stopped it and realised that I cannot stop it when people are actually joining on their own. We just disappeared. I guess it’s better that way than making my own people involve when they were innocent.
ADIKZ remaining members later on had their own inactive group on Facebook without me their “founder”. I try to come back but it seems to be that I am not welcome.
And there I was, tried to be happy with my new hobby in cosplay community.
2013-2014 (17 or 18 years old)
I created a group called “RANT SECTION” which I created for fun. Most members that I invited was from the cosplay community and from the word itself… Rant Section is where you can rant all of your issues. At first I thought everything would be fine especially when one of my superiors said that we might be needing Rant Section for the change of Cosplay Community but we were wrong.
Rant Section grew and the founder of that group was just a girl who had no idea what she was doing. She did realised that her name will be in trouble especially that the group was growing. Especially when a lot of issues in Cosplay community were being posted in my group and seeing some of my friends fighting with other people. Also… I was a kid. I was scared. I ban other people who seem not to be fit in my eyes. And for myself, I had an issue on my own. A kiss picture with an ex-friend (which was for fun and were just wearing wigs) was posted in GamerTotoy and that was before I created Rant Section (Well I am not sure anymore because an Anti-Rant Section group posted my issue there but one of the admins was close to me and have a huge respect for me and commented that the issue is close. Anyway, this Anti-Rant Section group is a group which rants about Rant Section. Funny though.)
Anyway, I left Rant Section and handed it over to another acquaintance to protect my identity. I thought the group will be alright already now that I’m gone but it’s far worse that I imagined. The group had gone mad and everything started when I created that group. But I was kind of jealous when they had this Rant Section meetup without the founder and it’s funny too… when I finally joined Rant Section for another meetup. Most of them don’t know who am I. Hahaha! But I met good friends there but yeah… they just don’t know who’s the real leader of Rant Section. Just a kid who was bored and wants to make a gang war. Jk.
After Rant Section, I created Cosplay Girls Section and some girls hates me there so… they created a story that I leaked the pictures there. :v :v :v I guess… it’s thrice feud? But really I am innocent. I just recall all those days and I actually missed it.
But I learned my lessons… STOP BEING A DICK NANA.
“I was wishing to see him as I walk way to my destination. And there he was, the man of my dreams appeared from the other side. I saw him twice as I passed by and another when I went to the other side. I do not know if he saw me but I was wishing he did. Later on, I saw him again. We were in the opposite side. I did not look, but I know that he saw me. We were in the same direction but I avoided to looked at his eyes. We never had a chance to talk again. All I have to do is forget and move on with my life. Another wasted moment…”
– D.O. Dreams
Every time I see your messages, my heart stops and smile like an idiot.
Every time I see you, you don’t see me but every time you see me, I don’t see you.
It’s funny how the world is making fun of us.
I can’t even see myself anymore being the happiest girl around.
The moment I lost my sight of you, I lost the half of me.
I am alone again.
Looking for a way back in.
Looking for something…
or most likely someone.